A day in the life of Guido

A Gangster's Tale (that's me as Guido by the way)

For this one to work you need to imagine: A New York accent.
Yeah, yeah, I know, but this is me being like...me! Is that ok? Just roll with it kiddo...besides, it's painless -- I think:

It was...

...a humid, muggy day down at the corner of Forty-Thword and Webster steets, the boyz hadn't seen much action lately. But that all changed, like the weather in Maine in winter, the storm broke...

"So, da boys up Forty-Thword Street said you wanted some pictures eh? Yeah ok lady. I see dat you mean bizness alright, so we do some bizness. Have to rub out a few of dem wise guzy in order to get em though."

Anyway, friggin' bums those Jerkie Boyz, I mean making trouble and all for the Boss

Had to go see the Boss for ya lady. Told the Boss all 'bout dem pics. He says,

"Guido, you take care of 'em." I tells the Boss, "Hey Boss, the skirt, she says to me, she wants dem pics. I dun't ask what for. Whatcha think Boss?" Da boss, he just tells me,

"You had better know whatcha doing or it's vacation on the Hudson for you Guido...snappin pics from the bottom up! Got it?" "Ok Boss, no problems...take care of dem pics pursonally." Got dat lady, now I gots to go get 'em, geesh, dames!

"So, you sees now how this is, I'm already in debt and still, I ain't got no damn pics yet lady. So you owe me, big time, got that!" Owe me I says! Anyway;

So down to Jersey I go. Looking for dem Jerkie bozos been makin' all dat trouble up there at Forty-Thword Street. Had to take a couple of the boyz with me, seeing how I might have to muss em up a bit to get them damn pics. Besides, them wise guys have no honor, fuckin' bozos liable to jump ya from a 3rd story window as look at cha. Friggin' Jerkie Boyz.

"Anyway lady, I found all dem slobbering bums up there at 112th, eatin pasta and drinking bad Grappo wine at Joe's. Me and the Boyz though, we handled dem bozos." Oh yeah, them bozos ain't nothing now and are soon to be even less!

Anyway, into dat rat hole I have to go fer da skirt. Yeah, that's where I found dem bums, a place called Greasy Joe's, and I tell dem bums,

"Hey bozos, I ain't here for shits and giggles. Da lady wants her pics, means I want dem damn pics, means da Boss wants dem pics."

Yeah lady, I just stared at them bums all huddled around that greasy table, eatin' like pigs at the slop bin they was." Sure sounded it like it too, made the boyz laugh to see dem bums lined up like swine before pork!

"Now! Before I have to go and do something my mutter would take me over her knee for," I tell dem bums. "Yeah you bozos, I'm talking to yous. Looks like I should've sent my mutter down here, give you bozos some wooden spoon work!"

Of course, dem Jerkie boyz ain't nothing but limp pasta and smelly wine on bad day in New York, that's now going to get worse if I have to do anything like muss 'em up.

"But dey wants no trouble lady. So, they just hand dem pics over nice and quite like. Yeah, no trouble at all dem pasta slurping bozos." Me and the boyz, well, we just walks outta town real smooth like, they know who's the boss around here, fuckin' bums.

So I reports back to the Boss, "Hey Boss got dem pics the skirt wants."

Friggin' Boss, he just points at the door,

"Give em to her then, no problems. Got it?" So I tells the Boss, "Sure thing Boss, no problems whatsoever."

"Got that chick? Here dem damn pics you been bustin' balls for. You owe da Boss big time...ya owe me and the boyz big time...don't forget that! Or you and I, we'll end up feeding the fish and taking pics of it under the Hudson someday!"

[roll credits] & [insert theme song]

A Jerky Boyz Production
Starring, Guido the Ganster, aka, me


Written and directed by STICKERS "THE DOGMAN" GIOVANNI


Imaging and Editing by Bubba the "Boatman" Ericson


Makeup by Ashley "I'm Too Busy Right Now" Ericson

Ken Pinkela 472 Landsdown Circle Rohnert Park, California, USA
County of Sonoma, Just thirty minutes east of the Pacific and one hour stright down from space!